wheRe,,

huhu jem 12:30,,biasanya ga gini,,

aaaaahhh apa c yg gw cari,,

kebiasaan yg tiba2 jd ga ada?

atau keberadaan yg tb2 ga ada?

ga enak hati,,,sebaLLLLLL,,

headache??

apa ini??knp kpala gw??knapa??headache??

cant stop thinking,,why?i dont wanna think bout that creature,,

plis stop it,,!! dont wanna hurt anymore,,

aaa,,i need some,,

paramex,,panadol,,komix,,biogesic,,hemaviton,,CDR,,

1 diaLLed CaLL

bagean kul jem 7,,gw dateng jem 8,,nah hari ini,bagean kuliah jem 8,,gw dateng jem 7,,

karena kepagian esia langsung diberdayakan,,

i call nina,,buat memastikan kuliah jem berapa sebenrnya,,dan ternyata emang jem 8 **payah**

then,,i call someone,,bcoz yesterday he didnt reply my messages,,

first i heard his voice,,im scared,,coz its different,,totally different,,semept berfikir mw pura2 sala pencet **tp akan berdampak terlihat amat sangat bodoh**

ya udah diterusin,,smua percakapan menjadi aneh,,gw bnyk diem,,die juga **pulsa mengalir bagai air**,,n finaly he talked,,he said he want to talk bout something n i just have to hear no comment,,i said okay,,

die cerita betapa gw berbeda,,betapa gw g seperti yg diharepin,,betapa susah percaya bahwa kmrn gw pegi sama temen cowo gw,,betapa dia ga suka ngeliat gw deket2 ama temen gw,,betapa dia sangat kacau kemaren,,betapa banyk pikiran dia,,masalahnya,,bukan masalah ttg gw aja,,betapa dia sangat sakit kemaren,,betapa gw sangat ga peduli dia,,betapa gw sangat cuek,,betapa,,gw sangat aneh,,betapa sakitdia,,hatinya,,badannya,,dan semua itu seolah2 karena gw,,dan semua itu seolah2 klo gw ga ngrasain sakit juga,,

gw cuek krn gw g mau sakit lagi,,gw g peduliin dia sakit krn gw takut berulang lagi,,nanti siapa yang nangis?gw,,siapa yg bakal ditinggalin?gw juga,,siapa yg bakal terakhir sakit?gw juga,,sedang dia?ada orang yg bisa dia pegang ktika dia jatuh,,

dimana keadilan?

gw ga deketin siapapun,,gw hanya mencari tempat aman,,tempat gw bisa ga sedih,,tempat gw bs seneng,,cape gw sedih terus,,cape gw sama semua yg g pernah nyata,,ill do my best,,biar ga ada yg sakit,,biar gw aja yg sakit,,biar cape tp gw terbiasa,,jadi mungkin klo suatu hr nanti gw bener2 bs dpt hal membahagiakan itu,,gw akaaan sangaaaaatt senang,,

i hope u’ll understand,,there’s nothing i can do,,dont u know,in 2 weeks i try harder to move on,,bring my life back,,its so hard,,i just count on my self,,

can’t you ?

something happen to me yesterday, yup…shit happen…

and the only thing that i need yesterday was my boyfriend, i mean a “REAL” boyfriend. Yes he was there, physicly, but not his mind and soul. his mind and soul  its in his computer, its in his work desk,its in his tesis, in his final report, not here with me. i never complain about this before, i never complain about his time schedulle, about his priority, about “there is no time for fita” thing. i never complain at all…i just need his support, i need him to take my hand and say that it’s okay, i need him to say that i’ve got you all the way, or just a call to ask am i ok?, or at least a sms that say i love you…is it so hard to do?

at least for once in our relation when i need you the most, can’t you just stay…

can’t you?

…

really God, what you’re trying to tell me ?

just give me some sign…

mama,,

last night, sebelum bobo..

mamah masuk ke kamar fita, she kiss me good night trus nyelimutin fita dan bilang met bobo..

dan gw sadar beberapa hal,,

- rambut mamah udah banyak banget yang putih

- mamah tambah kurus dan sedikit bungkuk sekarang

- mukanya keliatan capek banget,,

ga kerasa gw nangis,, nangis karena sadar betapa gw belum sempet bikin mamah seneng

nangis karena sampe segede ini gw masih minta uang ama mamah

nangis karena belum bisa bikin beliau bangga…

maaf ya mah, fita belum bisa ngasih mamah sesuatu…

i love u mum,,,

i will make you happy,,,

make you proud of me,,,

janji…..

take it or leave it

Kemaren malem some problem stuck on my head….

Sebenernya udah kesekian harinya this problem stuck on my head…

About leave or stay…

Let it go or hang it on…

Then my friend say,

Kalo udah tau tersesat di tengah hutan belantara pas mau naek gunung, don’t even try to turn back dan cari jalan pulang lagi (kecuali kalo lo hans and gretel yang udah naburin roti sepanjang perjalanan), mungkin lu malah ga akan sampe kemana mana, ga nemu jalan pulang, dan ga sampe puncak gunung, lebih baik terusin aja cari jalan naek keatas…you will find some great view that you never even think before…

That words knock on my head….

But back in reality

Back to my deepest fear

What if jalan yang gw ambil bikin gw mudek mudek di tengah hutan itu

What if I make some mistake that I can not undo….

Than my other friend (temen? Humm bukan deng…sodara gw tercintah heheh) give me bravery with some shorter words from sms, “kalo itu emang jalan lo, pasti semuanya bakal jadi gampang “ ^^ v

So I took that road now….wish me luck

Some quote from Rhonda “the Secret” : When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it,,, yay

 

LaSt NiGhT

Semalem,,ada temen Tanya,,**temen??no no!!ini sodara** pilihan antara ngikut tes kerja apa jangan,,

Dipikir,dipikir,dipikir,dpikir,,

Kenapa ngga yah?

Hidup itu kan dah ada jalannya sebenernya,,Cuma seberapa jauh kita harus muter buat nemu jalan itu yang kita ga tau dan g pernah tau,,jadi kan kalo udah jalannya kerja dsana, pasti keterima n bisa dijalanin apapun yang lagi dikerjain sekarang pasti ada jalnnya,, kalo bukan berarti jalannya bukan kerja dsana tapi kerja di tempat yang lebih bagus lagi J amin,,

Hidup itu kaya labirin kyny c,,muter2 to find a way out,,beberapa org bisa kuat bertahan n find a way out,,bebrapa orang tersesat dalam labirin,,beberapa orang give up,,yah banyak alesan kenapa orang2 itu terbagi jadi 3 kelompok itu,,mungkin waktu di dalam labirin nya,,mungkin rintangan nya,,dan mungkin-mungkin lainnya,,,**nah terus kenapa kita jadi ngomongin labirin disini??**

Sekarang try your best ajah,,biar ga ada yang pernah disesalin,,tapi klo dipikir2 yang namanya orang itu kadang-kadang apapun yang dikerjain ntarnya pasti ada nyeselnya,,klo ngelakuin A ntar nyesel kenapa g lakuin B,,yah begitulah manusia,,makanya enakkan jadi kucing,,makan,,tidur,,jalan2,,life is beautiful,,(analogi yang aneh yah hehe).

::serious mode on lagi:: **back to the topic hehe** iya,,jadi klo udah dijalanin semuanya ambil sisi positif nya aja yah,,klo lo keterima jgn lupa traktir gw,,(itu sisi positifnya huehehe),,

**Arghhh cant stop playing dear god song,,,!!! @##@!!@&%$$%!!!!! **