headache??

apa ini??knp kpala gw??knapa??headache??

cant stop thinking,,why?i dont wanna think bout that creature,,

plis stop it,,!! dont wanna hurt anymore,,

aaa,,i need some,,

paramex,,panadol,,komix,,biogesic,,hemaviton,,CDR,,

1 diaLLed CaLL

bagean kul jem 7,,gw dateng jem 8,,nah hari ini,bagean kuliah jem 8,,gw dateng jem 7,,

karena kepagian esia langsung diberdayakan,,

i call nina,,buat memastikan kuliah jem berapa sebenrnya,,dan ternyata emang jem 8 **payah**

then,,i call someone,,bcoz yesterday he didnt reply my messages,,

first i heard his voice,,im scared,,coz its different,,totally different,,semept berfikir mw pura2 sala pencet **tp akan berdampak terlihat amat sangat bodoh**

ya udah diterusin,,smua percakapan menjadi aneh,,gw bnyk diem,,die juga **pulsa mengalir bagai air**,,n finaly he talked,,he said he want to talk bout something n i just have to hear no comment,,i said okay,,

die cerita betapa gw berbeda,,betapa gw g seperti yg diharepin,,betapa susah percaya bahwa kmrn gw pegi sama temen cowo gw,,betapa dia ga suka ngeliat gw deket2 ama temen gw,,betapa dia sangat kacau kemaren,,betapa banyk pikiran dia,,masalahnya,,bukan masalah ttg gw aja,,betapa dia sangat sakit kemaren,,betapa gw sangat ga peduli dia,,betapa gw sangat cuek,,betapa,,gw sangat aneh,,betapa sakitdia,,hatinya,,badannya,,dan semua itu seolah2 karena gw,,dan semua itu seolah2 klo gw ga ngrasain sakit juga,,

gw cuek krn gw g mau sakit lagi,,gw g peduliin dia sakit krn gw takut berulang lagi,,nanti siapa yang nangis?gw,,siapa yg bakal ditinggalin?gw juga,,siapa yg bakal terakhir sakit?gw juga,,sedang dia?ada orang yg bisa dia pegang ktika dia jatuh,,

dimana keadilan?

gw ga deketin siapapun,,gw hanya mencari tempat aman,,tempat gw bisa ga sedih,,tempat gw bs seneng,,cape gw sedih terus,,cape gw sama semua yg g pernah nyata,,ill do my best,,biar ga ada yg sakit,,biar gw aja yg sakit,,biar cape tp gw terbiasa,,jadi mungkin klo suatu hr nanti gw bener2 bs dpt hal membahagiakan itu,,gw akaaan sangaaaaatt senang,,

i hope u’ll understand,,there’s nothing i can do,,dont u know,in 2 weeks i try harder to move on,,bring my life back,,its so hard,,i just count on my self,,

can’t you ?

something happen to me yesterday, yup…shit happen…

and the only thing that i need yesterday was my boyfriend, i mean a “REAL” boyfriend. Yes he was there, physicly, but not his mind and soul. his mind and soul  its in his computer, its in his work desk,its in his tesis, in his final report, not here with me. i never complain about this before, i never complain about his time schedulle, about his priority, about “there is no time for fita” thing. i never complain at all…i just need his support, i need him to take my hand and say that it’s okay, i need him to say that i’ve got you all the way, or just a call to ask am i ok?, or at least a sms that say i love you…is it so hard to do?

at least for once in our relation when i need you the most, can’t you just stay…

can’t you?